The Temple of the Badger King

*HUMANS, HEED THESE WARNINGS*
As far as I'm concerned, you're all a bunch of goats. Do you really expect me to take you seriously when you keep trying to eat my pants? I am not concerned with your petty concerns that you are concerned about. I am the Badger King. Be afraid.

"The night was filled with horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world... What a welcome sight a leper must have been!"
-Joseph Heller, Catch-22.

Greetings:

I am the Angriest of Badgers, the Badger King. You have meandered carelessly into my temple and now you must pay. You will be subjected to and assaulted by the most fearsome collection of web-pages known to man-kind. Many of these pages are under my control and can be quite dangerous to the faint at heart. Most likely, you will cower in fear and hide at the mere thought of this information being imposed upon you in what you thought was the safety of your own home. You will quiver and quake, hiding while sucking on your weak, withered thumb. You call that a thumb! That's no thumb. It's a sad excuse for a imitation thumb.

If you've managed to survive long enough to get to the all-important second paragraph, I trust that you will also remain present long enough for your eyes to intake a multi-media experience of my own design-- a veritable cornucopia of my writing and images. I use this site as forum to discuss, dismantle, and/or devour anything I see fit. And what can you do about it? Nothin'! That's what.

Love,
Angry Badger, the Badger King

In the future I plan to include hundreds, even thousands of links, pictures, and/or other displays of multi-media excellence. These will include a picture of a cat in a weightless environment, some really unhappy monkeys, a few links to other sights, a laser death-ray, a million-zillion dollars, a fully operational cow, a garden weasel, a bunch text, and some other crap. You were already warned in the first paragraph I wrote (right above the hit-counter) so I won't bother to warn you again. I'd also like to take a few seconds (or minutes, if you're a slow reader) to say that I chose a color scheme called "migraine" just to tick you off. (It should be mentioned that the attractive and exciting color scheme "migraine" has fallen out of favor (Favour for our friends in the UK) with the high courts of Tripod and thus has ceased to be. "Migraine" where ever you are, you're in my heart and I love you.) Thank you very much, Good night and God bless.

Angry Badger

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to visit these pages.

Old Intro:*Brand New* I guess it's not really "brand new." It's actually the oldest thing on here.
Quotes Archive :*Brand New*I've stopped thinking for myself. It's so much easier just to repeat other people(mostly Frank Zappa).
Questions Archive:*Brand New* There's no such thing as a stupid question. Actually, the previous statement only applies to my questions. All your questions are stupid.
English Is FUNtastic:*Pretty New* I wrote this myself for all the "little people" who've so much to say but are too dumb to say it.
I'm about to graduate and I can write whatever I damn well please!:*Pretty New* I wrote this with one of my associates.
Naked Photos of Myself:*No Longer New* A little somthin' for the ladies. Censored to protect young minds.
TV Violence: My personal opinions on telivision violence.
Phatt is a retard: Phatt's retard story. I do not wish to insult people with learning disabilities by comparing them to the skinny runt who is Matt. But I'll take a risk and post this anyway.
Complete Loser: Click here if and only if you are a complete loser. Please, I don't want any of you popular people coming in hear with your Abercrombie shirts and Phish cassettes. We have enough trouble without you idiots.
Don: the armless dragon. (I stole this idea from Phatt who is a retard)
High School Sucks: A point to point explanation on exactly how and why high school sucks.
Good Foods: A list of good foods. This is the *official* list made by several of my associates and I when we were in 9th grade and bored out of our minds.
Frank Zappa: If you never go anywhere else, go here.
The Hansons: An outdated page concerning the gender of the Hanson. Outdated because nobody cares not because their genders have been determined.
Kill the Monkeys: Take that you monkey bastards! Monkey carnage for people who didn't think they liked monkey carnage.
Three Little Pigs: and their family jewels. Written by myself and some associates.
Revenge of the Monkeys: more fun with monkeys for all you crazy kids.
Strange But True Stories: These are true.
A link to the page you're already on: You won't get anywhere with this
Another Home Page: I made this. It's not very impressive
Yet Another Hompage: more impressive, but still not very good. Why'd I make these stupid things anyway?

Links to pages maintained or ignored by my associates:
Phatt's Home Page: A retarded sight by Phatt. He has another one but I don't know where it is nor do I care. Matt is the senior class president in addition to being a odorous pigmy with webbed toes.
Greedo's Page: One of the best Star Wars pages on the web. OK, OK this page sucks but Tom's a real nice guy so go easy on him. He's six feet tall and wears suspenders.
Hucklebarry Gun: Rich really likes the X-files and he cant spell "Huckleberry." He's wacky.
Drew's Page: Sharky, Shlongman, Speedy, and Chubbs. Actually this page no longer exists. I keep it for sentimental reasons.
The Evil Satanist Bunny: If I had a dime for every guy I'd ever met who claimed to be a satanic rabbit that eats people, I'd have a dime now.

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